"Hypocrite!"

Alert the media.

The word hypocrite comes, as so many of our words do, from the Greek. In this case, it’s from the word hypokritēs, meaning "actor" or "stage player" : hypo (under) + krinein (to sift or decide)= an actor playing a role under a mask. In ancient Greece, men wore stylized masks indicating gender, morality, attitude and other things. Expressions were exaggerated. We’ve adopted the tragedy/comedy masks as symbols for theater.

Today hypocrite describes those who only pretend to think or believe a certain way, is two-faced or duplicitous. The human race, in other words.

Lest you think I’m being too harsh, or painting with too wide a brush, think about your own situation. Do you always do the right thing? Respond the best way? Of course not. We are, it has been said, VIPs— Victories in Progess. Wherever a person is on his or her personal life journey, there is still room for improvement. No one has “arrived.” Hopefully, we continually learn more about ourselves, about the world, about others…and that knowledge informs our thoughts and behavior.

When I was young, I was much more absolute in my thinking. Things were right or they were wrong. There was good here, bad there. Righteousness vs. sin. One day, probably in my 50s—I experienced quite a bit of transformation during that decade—I realized that while I had, for so long, focused on black and white, God wanted to explain purple to me.

Does that mean there are no absolutes? Absolutely not. But, as it has finally gotten through to my tiny brain, there are far fewer than I once believed. While there can be benefits to seeing life as a list of do’s and don’t’s (it kept me out of trouble, mostly), and benefits to being Raised Right, and trying to pass that on to my children and grandchildren, it can miss the point entirely when following a God who has an annoying habit of climbing out of the box his kids keep trying to stuff him into.

Recently, I was accused of being a hypocrite based on an opinion column I wrote a decade ago. Would I have written the same thing, in the same way, today? Maybe, maybe not. I could have saved my accuser the trouble, however, someone who seemed to think this was Big News. That comment about alerting the media was not me being facetious. My accuser not only emailed me, but also local officials, the media and others, all to explain that ELLEN GILLETTE IS A HYPOCRITE.

Pretty much spot on.

You see, I claim to be a woman of faith, but I still have doubts and questions. I say I’m a Christian, but I may distance myself from others who say the same thing while doing and saying things I find decidedly un-Christ-like (which is un-Christ-like behavior in itself). I may take a stand on a political issue on principle, then bend or backpedal when that principle negatively affects someone I love. I can agree that this or that is the right thing, the ideal thing, the way things should be in a perfect world with perfect people…and yet, choose another path because I am neither perfect nor living with those who are, nor exist on a planet that is anywhere close.

The fact that I actually do act (on stage) takes things to a different level. No masks (unless the script calls for one), but actors take on the persona of their characters. They learn lines they would not say in real life. There are curse words I find personally offensive that I will recite on stage if it’s in the script (and would negatively affect the play were I to improvise). I’ve performed as a cruel nurse, a home wrecker, a nun, a heartless spinster, a lesbian…well, you get the idea. Actors are not who they portray.

I’m currently in one scene as the wife of an angry man. My fellow actor is not an angry man at all…but he can act like one. I yell and scream at him on stage, but rarely yell and scream at anyone once I’m back to being me—although I’m tempted at times, especially when reading the news.

In real life, of course, we sometimes wear masks for various reasons. In social settings, it is often inappropriate to show on our faces what we’re feeling at the moment. Is that hypocrisy or courtesy? If confronted with a loved one in favor of something we find appalling, there are times when we should speak up (gently, I hope) but also times when, for the sake of the relationship, we remain silent. Perhaps another time and setting would be more conducive to a deep conversation. Social media has normalized reacting with angry words and emojis, but face to face—maskless—is more effective.

Just because the world is filled with hypocrisy doesn’t make it a good thing, obviously. The Bible calls out hypocrites for focusing on the faults of others rather than on one’s own…for requiring more of others than we require of ourselves…for claiming to love God while hating our brothers…for honoring God with our lips while our hearts are distant from him…for doing “good works” to gain respect and recognition…for focusing on outward religious acts while neglecting justice and mercy.

St. James wrote in his letter to believers that if we have broken one commandment, we are guilty of breaking them all. Maybe shouldn’t be so quick to judge, then.

“But…but…”

A particular sin or person immediately came to mind, didn’t it? Bad. Sinful. Ungodly. Something that will destroy the world as you know it; at least it feels like it. But maybe, (she suggested sweetly) God is using that Person or that Something Bad to remind you that what he wants for you is still fairly basic, according to the Old Testament prophet Micah: Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God.

And not easy, but simple, according to Jesus: Love God with your heart, mind and stength. Love others. Do to others what you would want them to do for you. Forgive as you have been forgiven.

When we fail, when we fall short, when we know in our heart what the right thing is but do the opposite…someone will call us a hypocrite. Sometimes, someone will call us hypocrites out of bitterness and spite. That’s okay. We are hypocrites. It’s called being human. Being Victories in Progress.

I don’t worry too much about people who know they are, at times, hypocritical, who recognize that they’re still learning and growing as people, as believers, as whatever. Those who really concern me are convinced that they have it all together…who are grasping so tightly onto their Truth monopoly that they can’t reach out to help someone in need…who are so comfortable with the little box they’ve put God into that not even he can convince them there’s so much more he wants to give them.

So yeah. Alert the media. I’ve failed as a Christian and also as a daughter, sister, aunt, mother, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, wife, friend, in small ways and large. I have not succeeded in various endeavors, which isn’t the same as failing, but can feel like it. I’m not proud of my failures, I simply agree that yes, because I am still on my life journey, I have taken, and still take, the occasional wrong turn. Detours. I may stop to rest. I may dig in my heels and say I’m not taking another step…until I do. I may even—gasp!—hear God leading me in a direction you think is wrong, and wonder why I’m not willing to follow your map.

But here’s the thing: While I observe you on your own path, it’s exactly the same. If I know you at any depth, I see the times you sped through a red light or ended up in a ditch. I wonder why you’re going so slowly, or wish you hadn’t gone the way you did at the fork. I just hope that I am as loving and forgiving and tolerant of your VIP status as I want you to be with mine, believing, as St. John wrote, Dear friends…what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

Until then, fellow hypocrites, onward and upward.